When Pigs Fly

I love legumes. Beans of all sorts. It’s yet another thing to add to that list of things I hated as a child but really like now. Except refried beans. Refried beans always make me think of things being regurgitated. I have never been able to handle regurgitation. That’s what foiled my plan to become bulimic when I was 15. Couldn’t bring myself to do it, it grossed me out too much.

I know this observation has been made before, but I really find it funny (the dark, sick kind of funny) that eating disorders have been such a popular topic for after-school specials (Well, in MY day they were after-school specials. Now they make made-for-TV movies shown on Lifetime.) They just weren’t improving things much with their target audience. I would watch the story of woe and think, “Oh. If I eat one apple a day and keep myself moving by eating a little honey here and there - THEN I can be thin!” I considered these movies to be chock-full of great tips for losing weight - they covered things I would never have thought of on my own. They were very informative.

Fortunately, I never stuck to any of my “brilliant” new plans for Achieving A Skinny Body And Therefore Happiness for very long. I’d get too hungry and give up, deciding that there was obviously something wrong with me because all these other girls could do it and I couldn’t... Mind you, I had a friend who suffered permanent damage to her circulation as well as a great many other horrible side effects after overcoming her bulimia. Please understand - I DO know how serious these disorders are. I didn’t when I was 15. For whatever reason, the movies weren’t helping.

This all comes back to the legumes. I am eating a medley of veggies, garbanzo beans and kidney beans for lunch. Because I am on “The Diet” again. You know, the diet almost all women in the known (and probably unknown) universe are on intermittently throughout their lifetimes? Nevermind whether or not we "need" to lose weight. It's a proven natural law that 90% of all women harbor a strong belief in "the last ten pounds". Size is irrelevant in this matter. The good news is, almost fifteen years later, I have somehow had an absolute stroke of genius that PERHAPS it would make more sense to eat veggies, beans and fish instead of the plan I favored when I was 16. The "one Snickers bar a day" plan.

I never thought I would reach a point in life where I would pick beans over Snickers. Either I’m maturing or a pig’s due to swoop past my window any minute.