Playtex tampons have a new slogan. "So comfortable you can't even feel them." is now a registered trademark of Playtex Gentle Glide Tampons (ew. "Gentle Glide"). So in theory this is a good thing, right? No one wants to feel, as Eve Ensler put it in The Vagina Monologues, "a dry wad of f**king cotton" up inside them. I should be greatful to Playtex.
Unfortunately I'm a forgetful person. Forgetful women everywhere, beware. Twice now I have run in a hysterical frenzy to the ladies room at work, certain that I am at risk of The Unspeakable Embarassment all women fear, only to find - after a near coronary - that I am, in fact, already safe and sound and "protected" as Playtex calls it on the side of the bright pink box. So then I'm left hyperventilating and holding an unwrapped tampon in my hand.
If this keeps up, I could try to think of entertaining things to do with them at work (since I don't want to put unwrapped tampons back in my bag or pocket lest they get fuzz on them. ew.). Maybe I can hide one in someone's desk and see what they do. I wonder if that's considered harassment. Hmmm.
Anyway, women, you've been warned.