Bree Sharp

Bree Sharp, portrait taken by Alex Abercrombi
click to go to Sharp's official website

You know how some songs come on and you experience this rush of irrational glee? I feel that way about Bree Sharp’s pop hit “David Duchovny.” It’s completely silly. It also makes sense. She captures the irrational TV star crush; How it’s all mixed up with a fascination for the character they portray (who, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with who the actor is) and the transportive excitement of that (usually fleeting) fixation. She’s just hilarious while singing as though she is taking her subject SO seriously - which we all know is the key to truly good campy humor.

She actually sings the lines, “David Duchovny floating above me / In the alien light of the spaceship of love” and - BRILLIANTLY - wheedles “I’m gonna kill Scully.” into the last verse. I love it when something makes me want to sing along and laugh and listen closely ALL AT ONCE.

The only thing better is when a song does all those things AND compels you to dance. Still, “David Duchovny” is a joy to behold. It’s on my Happy Song list. Right up there with Bowie’s “Golden Years” and Pete Townsend’s “Let My Love Open the Door” and Regina Spektor’s “On the Radio.”

David Duchovny

It's Sunday night, I am curled up in my room
The TV light fills my heart like a balloon
I hold it in as best I can
I know I'm just another fan
But I can't help feeling I could love this secret agent man
And I can't...

Wait any more for him to discover me
I got it bad for David Duchovny
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

My friends all tell me,
"Girl, you know it's just a show,"
But deep within his eyes
I see me wrapped up like a bow
Watching the sky for a sign
The FBI is on my mind
I'm waiting for the day
When my lucky stars align
In the form of...

David Duchovny floating above me
In the alien light of the spaceship of love,
I need David Duchovny hovering above me
American Heathcliff, brooding and comely
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

So smooth and so smart
He's abducted my heart
And I'm falling apart
From the looks I receive
From those eyes I can't leave
And you may say I'm naive
But he told me to believe...

Ooooooooo....

My bags are packed, I am ready for my flight
Want to put an end to my daydream days and sleepless nights
Sitting like a mindless clone
Wishing he would tap my phone
Just to hear the breath of the man, the myth, the monotone
And I would say...

David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?
David Duchovny I want you to love me
To kiss and to hug me, debrief and debug me
David Duchovny I know you could love me
I'm sweet and I'm cuddly - I'm gonna kill Scully!
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?

- Bree Sharp



...and, of course, I TOTALLY loved Fox Mulder. For at least an entire season. With his brooding and his huge forehead and pensive expressions and uptight FBI duds. Loved how his girl Friday was an uber-short redhead (who looked a bit like me with a far more upper-crust schnoz and much more boring wardrobe) and how he lectured her endlessly in his meandering way on why her logical answers were WRONG and his wacky-ass crackpot theories were SPOT ON.

Oh, yeah. Loved me some Mulder.