Great Art Prints!

Relocation (minature) by Lilly Piri - available at Thumbtack Press!
Lilly Piri’s website is here.

Thumbtack Press sells digital prints of innovative high-quality artwork. I haven’t ordered from them YET (I’m still deciding what to buy), so I am not guaranteeing anything, but I have been impressed with the interesting work they have available and the reasonable prices. They feature several really interesting female artists. Well worth checking out at thumbtackpress.com.

Oopsie

OK. I sometimes skim the celebrity gossip crapola and yes - I know it rots my brain. Because of that dirty little habit, I had heard about the whole “Britney nearly drops baby” thing - along with all the other times that looney has endangered her kid - but I figured it was exaggerated by the media. You know - just like everything else. That was before I saw THESE PICTURES on a semi-recent blog by Freakgirl. I know this is old “news”, but I just saw the photos for the first time (I’m not THAT much of a celeb gossip watcher). You can’t get any trashier than nearly dropping your baby because you are PROTECTING YOUR DRINK. It’s supposedly water... which may be true. But if I were going outside holding my eight-month-old and knew I would be surrounded by pushy strangers (as she always is), I wouldn’t be carrying a glass in my other hand.

Then again, I think all mothers have some moment they look back on in horror when they accidentally bonked the baby’s head or whatever. I know my family has those stories and we children are all adults now and think the stories are funny. After all, mom so rarely made mistakes and we made so many. Because of that we really find some humor in the “Remember the time I broke my arm and you didn’t believe me” story or the “Remember when you sent me to my room and forgot about me and I stayed in my room all day” story. My mother does not think these stories are funny. And she didn’t even have to worry about media scrutiny.

So maybe the has-been pop princess deserves some slack... but at the rate she’s going (this is , what? the third or fourth fiasco over baby-related oopsies?) she may want to hold the kid with both hands and put down the glass.

Oh, and for the curious - I was the one who got sent to my room and forgotten. I’m emotionally scarred for life. hee hee. Just kidding, Mom!

Margaret Mitchell

”Until you lose your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is.”

- Margaret Mitchell

Margaret Mitchell wrote “Gone With The Wind.” It’s not really relevant, but I was fascinated to find out that she was only 4’10”. "Gone With The Wind" won a Pulitzer Prize in 1937. One month after the book was published, the film rights were purchased for $50,000 - at the time it was the highest sum ever paid for film rights to a first-time author (the film won 8 Academy Awards, most notably the Best Actress in a Supporting Role won by Hattie McDaniel). The novel is one of the most popular books ever written and more than 28 million copies have been sold in over 37 different countries. Which shows that a tiny little woman can have a tremendously lasting voice.

The Art of Tara McPherson

I love her work and she’s got a shop where you can buy stationary, bookmarks and limited edition prints! Check her out at taramcpherson.com.

Linda Ellerbee

”If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?”

- Linda Ellerbee

You know what really tells you something sad about our culture? The Wikipedia entry on Linda Ellerbee actually makes a point of mentioning that this incredibly successful woman gained 50 pounds during the 80’s and then lost that weight in the mid-90’s. It DOES say that it was “highly publicized,” so perhaps that explains it. All the same, I doubt they would make particular mention of a male journalist gaining weight as he got older - at least not in a brief biography. There are four paragraphs and one short one is entirely to address her weight gain. How depressing.

Anyway, I’m planning on picking up a copy of her most recent book Take Big Bites, because any book written by a smart woman that involves travel and food sounds like a good read to me.

Baring My Teeth

The other day, I bought a tooth whitening “system.” I bought tooth whitener and I gave myself a pedicure... and I ate fruit salad when I could have had a double chocolate walnut cookie. Clearly I have lost my mind.

Is this selling out? Has exposure to mass media populated with “Desperate Housewife” stick figures and advertisments full of people with gleaming choppers finally gotten to me? I’m not sure. I just woke up a few days ago and felt like giving myself a tune-up.

The commercial “ideal” may have infiltrated my consciousness. The creepy barbie image that involves being tall, thin, having bright white teeth, trimmed and polished nails, perfect hair and clear skin may have gotten to me. I suspect this because I catch myself thinking, “What am I going to do about being short?”

Using the tooth whitener involves DRYING YOUR TEETH, which is bizarre and unnatural and VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE. You clean your teeth, dry them and then contort your face to keep your mouth WIDE open so your teeth stay dry long enough for you to get the gel on them. So there I am in the bathroom, freaky rictus of a grin on my face, teeth bared and painting them one by one with a teeny tiny paintbrush dipped in chemical smelling goo.

Have you ever consciously tried not to salivate? It’s impossible. Afterwards I have to freeze amid icky grin until the stuff dries. I spend the next half hour staring at my teeth, wondering if anything is happening and trying to remember how white my teeth were to begin with. I am trying to avoid my boyfriend seeing me like this, for fear of giving him nightmares.

Like I said - CLEARLY I have lost my mind.

”Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.”

- Fran Lebowitz

Nifty Stuff

I’m always adding new links - so check out the new one for the Imaginary Foundation. The T-shirts and art prints are great. Among other things, they have the Monty Python “silly walks” T-shirts. I am already planning to buy holiday gifts there!

Lysol Douche advertisement!

I found this on strangepersons.com.
Just when you start to feel like there hasn't been progress...

”If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.”

- Rita Mae Brown

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels."

- Faith Whittlesey

Burger King Ad

Burger King has a commercial in which a man is served an exaggeratedly tiny Nouvelle cuisine dish in a fancy restaurant. He declares it "chick food" and bursts out singing "I am man, hear me roar...", leaving the restaurant and going across the street to Burger King. He is joined by a mass of men, singing together, presumably declaring their need for a big burger.

My first reaction was to be offended by the phrase "chick food". For better or worse, women eat their share of burgers and junk just like men. It was an irritating commercial on that level (even if intended to come across slightly tongue in cheek), but that wasn't all.

As it went on, I was more bothered that it was poor advertising. It was stupid. Women will be unlikely to respond well to it and some men will find it grating. Burger King had been doing those clever off-kilter ads in which the "Buger King", plastic molded head and all, shows up next to someone in bed, a rowboat, etc. They were odd, they were eye catching and they made me laugh. I even had people email me humorous shots of the "Burger King" from the ads. That's a sucessful campaign.

So I'm boycotting Burger King. Not for the vaguely misogynist tone of the commercial, but for thinking the public will respond to it. I avoid a company if their ad irritates me. They won't notice my absence, but it seems like a logical way to express disgust with bad marketing. A commercial has maybe 30 seconds to get my attention and gain my interest. There are an enormous number of creative people for hire in the advertising world who "get" the importance of entertaining and the impact that has on sales and brand image. There is no excuse for running annoying or pedestrian commercials.

If they won't invest in clever PR, I'm not going to encourage them.

Bad Kisser

You know the guy you only went on a couple of dates with although he was nice and opened the door for you and had good taste in music... because the first time he tried to kiss you, you pulled back with your chin dripping?

I am afraid my pet rabbit may be THAT GUY.

Bunnies groom each other as a form of social interaction. They often focus on grooming faces and ears, which makes sense. Those are the things they can't reach themselves. It usually seems very sweet because it makes them appear to be kissing. I own a pair of lop rabbits. The male grooms the female (pictured above) with a passion and dilligence I have previously only witnessed animals using on their offspring or own hindquarters. He gets so impassioned that he will stretch out to his full length, pushing back against the ground with his slippery furry little paws as he tries to get greater leverage.

Our female bunny is beginning to get an odd slicked-back look to the fur around her eyes. Her face is VERY clean. Thankfully, she has begun to protect herself when he gets too OCD with the cleaning. She scoots back and hops off until he gets the message. Much like human dating, I suppose. Rarely does anyone actually tell a guy he's been secretly nicknamed "slurpy".

"In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that men know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is look at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop." - Dave Barry

I love Dave Barry. He knows what he's talking about. The longer I live with a man, the more convinced I am that he doesn't know how to fix more things around the house than I do, he's just better at acting like he knows what he's doing and is more likely than I am to have electrical tape on hand.

Victory

My website is finally up with the correct domain name!

Yay! I have conquered the internet! I WIN.

I think I have that "girls aren't good at science and math" fear which is nobody's fault but my own because I KNOW that's not true. Knowing this, I still look at a page of html code, start to develop a nervous tick and just before a panic attack kicks in, I resort to hollering for my boyfriend to come in and "fix it". I know women can do this.

Just because some bizarre anamoly of my environment has exposed me to more computer savvy men than women doesn't mean that I, as a female, cannot figure this out. (Mind you, I do not intend to give the incorrect impression that I am frequently "exposed" to the computer savvy in an obscene fashion. Wouldn't that be a funny nervous tick? You hear someone speaking in computer jargon and suddenly have an uncontrollable urge to drop trou...)

“We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.”
- Erma Bombeck

I Know I'm not the Only One

I’m like a lot of women;
Old enough for adulthood to be difficult to avoid,
Still adjusting to the idea I’m not 20 any more,
(isn’t everyone?)
my family is crazy but they make for good stories,
my pets never do what I tell them to,
and I like my job but wince when I answer my home phone,
“Hello, This is (business name), can I help you?”.

I want to travel extensively, live in many different countries
and somehow also buy a house and create a firmly rooted home.
Haven't figured out how to do both at once, as of yet.
I’ll let you know if I come up with a solution.

Today, women are theortically able to “have it all.” There are a lot of options - which is great - but womanhood is a thing constantly being redefined in the world we live in - which is confusing as hell.

I feel like I should know about my car AND be able to crochet. I refuse to be ashamed of the aprons circa 1955 that are hanging in my kitchen. My brilliant pot roast makes me no less a feminist. I have a successful career and don’t think of myself as domestic (although I did make my own curtains...). Maybe I want to have a man in my life AND remain completely independent.

Most of all, I want other women in my life. I can’t tell you how many women I hit it off with who say, “I never get along with women! All my friends are men.” How many times have you heard that? Well, my guy friends are amazing and I love them, but this is ridiculous. We women need each other. Even the most sensitive guy will never understand what it is to sometimes be treated differently just because you have (or don’t have) boobs. And the hormonal and psychological weight of carting a uterus around... well, obviously there are some things only women understand.

Only women can really understand the complex dichotomy of being a woman in the 21st century! (are there other women out there who put their videogame on pause to run into the kitchen and check if the bread is done baking?)

A lot of websites didn’t have what I was looking for. I’m not interested in reclaiming the word “bitch” for womankind (mind you, I’m not criticizing those who are) and I get queasy every time I go to a “women’s interest” website that has articles on how to tell if your man is cheating on you along with recipes for easy casseroles that feed a family of six. So this is my solution. I’m throwing myself in the mix. I’m going to share things I’m interested in and what I think - in all it’s glorious incongruous variety.

I picked the name “dame” because it felt like a nice balance between being a lady and being a tough broad - It seems to me a dame can be both.